


Dull the Ache

by obiwankenboneme



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Canonical Character Death, Drinking, Gen, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-23 20:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6129142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obiwankenboneme/pseuds/obiwankenboneme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin has turned to drinking and smoking to dull the emotions he's been feeling. The reader is one of the few people left who can help Anakin find himself again, but you can't just make someone feel again. No matter how hard you try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU, but I rather like it. As usual, I'm pretty shitty at coming up with titles for works, but I like where this piece is going, and I want to write more. Just drop a comment if you'd like to see it grow in chapters or not!

You smell him long before you see him. With a disgruntled sound of annoyance, you look up to see Anakin Skywalker staring at you, a cigarette hanging from his lips as he leans against the dormitory outside wall. With a brief sigh, you move closer to him, feeling yourself growing tired of his constant habits.

Grabbing the cigarette from his mouth, you put it out under your foot, crossing your arms and staring at him in anger. He raises a brow, hand fumbling in the pocket of his grease-stained t-shirt, flannel falling open awkwardly at his sides. Why he wore that ratty thing you didn’t know, but you supposed a part of him was trying to keep that “I’m a mechanics assistant” look going.

“Anakin, why are you here? And didn’t you know that you’re supposed to smoke fifty feet away from the buildings? Being this close can be a fire hazard,” you state.

He shrugs in response, shaking out another cigarette from the box and placing it between his lips. As he reaches for his lighter, you grab the stick in his mouth and throw it to the ground. By this point, he’s pissed, and you can see the frustration growing behind his eyes. Anakin was good about hiding his emotions and pretending he didn’t care, but when it came to _you_ , he wasn’t as strong.

Turning on his heel, he starts towards the science building, you hiking up your backpack and chasing after him. The two of you had been friends since your freshman year on campus, which doesn’t seem so long ago when you realize that you two are only sophomores. It feels like ages though when so much happened in the summer between those years. Struggling to keep up with Anakin’s long strides, you find yourself breathing heavily, hand coming to cover your heart. Anakin doesn’t let up until he glances behind him to see you keeled over, gasping for air with your hands on your knees.

He rolls his eyes, turning around and walking back over to you, not helping any by standing there.

After catching your breath, you rub your neck, glancing at the tall man before you. “Why the hell are you acting like this Skywalker?”

His eyes darken instantly at the question, and he takes a step back, growling as he pulls a cigarette from his shirt pocket. Stuffing it in his mouth, he lights it and then runs a hand through his hair. Without saying a word, he turns in the opposite direction of the science building, leaving you staring at his retreating back in confusion.

“Where are you going?!” you scream, hands cupped around your mouth so he’ll hear you.

You see him pull the cigarette from his mouth, his head tilting back as he responds, “Skipping. Have fun in science without me.”

A part of you wants to chase after him and drag him back to class, but the bigger part of you doesn’t want to be late. While Anakin was your friend, it wasn’t your education on the line, and you were tired of trying to make him see that. Fixing your hair, you continue on to the science building, a weird knot forming in your stomach. What had happened to him?

* * *

 

To fully understand this story, you have to go back; to the year prior, where everything had seemed fine, but was actually going to hell.

Anakin and you were in the same dormitory when you moved in freshman year, and while you weren’t the first friend he made on campus, you were one of the few he actually considered a friend. While he had delved into his Human Rights major and his small cluster of acquaintances, you had diverted to your own interests, finding few times where the two of you were together and talking or hanging out.

Sure, there were the times where you would find each other in the dorms common room; eyes glued to the television as you watched some news story about the wars happening around the world, but outside of that, there really wasn’t much you had done together. Anakin had made friends with a biochemistry TA – Obi-Wan – and a senior who was studying political science – Padmé, and seemed to like their company well enough to stay out of the dormitory. While you talked occasionally with them, you knew very little outside of these facts, and that Anakin had a growing crush on Padmé.

You weren’t jealous, that’s to be noted here and now. You’d barely known Anakin more than two months by this point, and while he had only known Padmé as long, something had clicked between them. When the first semester ended, it seemed that everything was going fine between them, and you weren’t about to tread upon that with the small crush you had started to harbor for Skywalker at the point of Christmas break.

Spring came and went without a hitch, seemingly as if nothing could go wrong. It seemed like everyone had already been prepared for their summer after college, and while you were heading out West to see some family, Anakin was going home to his mother, who was starting to show signs of an illness that seemed fatal. Padmé had offered to return home with him to help, which he readily agreed to. At this point, they were an “item” – as Obi-Wan called it – and were steadily becoming the sort of couple that was not only inseparable, but disgustingly in love.

It’s during those two or three months between freshman bliss and sophomore ignorance that everything you all know goes to shit. Padmé told Anakin that she had cancer, and by that point, she was just a week from the point where they had told her she would die. To her credit, she lasted another month before passing, which did nothing for Anakin, who had felt betrayed by her. He felt even more so when he found out that Obi-Wan had known, though you kept it silent you had also known of this.

Nothing got better from there. His mother had grown so sick that she herself had died just before that, which meant that Anakin, a boy who was barely twenty at the time, was going to two funerals in the span of a month. At Padmé’s funeral he seemed sullen, and you and Obi-Wan had attempted to speak with him, which had ended poorly to say the least.

By the time you all returned for the fall semester of your second year, Anakin had started numbing himself with drugs and alcohol, something that drove a wedge so deeply between him and Obi-Wan that you had had to pull the two apart when a fight had broken out. After that, Obi-Wan had refused to talk with Anakin, who seemed just as keen not to speak with his former friend.

You were there still only because you felt something more for Anakin. Not a crush, and certainly not love at this point, but it was _something_ , and you couldn’t just give up on him. A few weeks ago, the two of you had gotten into a fight over the fact that he believed you had known about Padmé being ill, and it had ended just as you had expected. Telling him was the hardest part, because you _know_ Padmé had feared this reaction would come from him. Rather than her dealing with it, you had to, and it was breaking your heart to see the man you had grown close to being torn to pieces by the world.

* * *

 

Blinking, you sit up suddenly, eyes taking in the darkness of the library. You look at your phone screen, groaning as you shove all your notes and paperwork into your backpack. It was nearing eight o’clock, and while you weren’t anywhere near the time of the library’s closing, you had things to get to back at your dormitory. Along with that, you needed to eat at some point, which meant that you had to get to the food hall.

On your way there, you feel your stomach still knotted in that feeling of discomfort from before. It felt wrong to be without Anakin, and to have let him wander off earlier this morning alone didn’t feel right either. He was grieving, but the way he was going about it was all wrong. While on your way back to your dorm, food stuffed into a to-go box, you notice someone out of the corner of your eye, making you stop and turn in their direction.

Anakin’s face is illuminated by the flickering flame of his lighter, the stars above no match for his features, which seem to put them to shame. Rather than continuing your trek to the dormitory, you head towards him, sitting down and placing your box of food between the two of you. Opening it, you grab half of the grilled-cheese sandwich you had made, nudging the box with the other half towards him.

The clicking of his lighter closing, along with the instant lack of light directly in front of you, is all you need to know that he’s taking the other half. Eating in silence, you don’t look at him, staring up at the sky and exhaling after a moment.

“Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, ya know? To be out there among the stars. I bet it must be beautiful, seeing all of that up close and personal,” you whisper.

Anakin keeps quiet, but you carry on, wanting to make him understand; make him understand that you were still here for him, even when everyone else had left. Even when he had pushed them all away.

Once you’ve finished another bite of your sandwich, you set it back in the box, drawing your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. Your eyes gaze out at the darkness in front of you, unseeing. “My dad used to tell my siblings and I a story about this man who spent his whole life looking at the stars. His parents had passed away, but no one ever saw him cry, because his head was turned to the sky, and his tears had dried long before they hit the ground. Years later, his wife grew worried about him, as she had become pregnant with their child and yet he hadn’t looked at her or her body since she had announced it.”

Anakin didn’t speak still, but something told you he was listening, so you carried on.

“That was because he had long since seen in the stars that the child was not his, even though that was untrue. He believed so deeply in the stars that he refused to accept his child. When his wife passed from an illness that they couldn’t cure, he would hold his child, but never look at them. Not because he was staring at the stars, but because he couldn’t imagine that this child in his arms was his. He couldn’t look at them because he knew he would see his poor wife, whom he had been unable to do anything for, whom he had never truly looked at,”

“Then, when he was old and dying, he finally looked at his child. His child was happily married with kids, but the old man was seeing signs of himself in them already. At that point, he realized he had spent his entire life looking at the stars, dreaming of things he could never have, and he had pushed all those he loved far away. He’d spent so long staring at the sky in wonder, that he did not grace the beauty of the life he had in front of him with his eyes _once_. All his feelings and memories were of the sky, and what did the sky give him in return? Nothing.”

Exhaling into the darkness, you watch the white swirl around for a bit, much like the smoke that had left Anakin’s mouth all those times. In your own way, you’d been smoking; by never telling Anakin any of the things you’d known, and by not exhaling all the things you held secret.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you stand and turn to him. “I love you, and I know that you’re grieving, but you need to know. I’ve tried my damn hardest to make you see that I’ll always be here for you, but I just can’t do it anymore Anakin. You’re screwing yourself over physically and emotionally and mentally, and I can’t stand around and watch it anymore. I told you that story because you’ve become that man with his head towards the sky. You push everyone away, and you’ve numbed yourself to emotions so long that you can’t feel anything anymore,”

“All that will ever bring you is sadness. I love you, and Obi-Wan loves you, and we’re trying so _hard_ to make you see that, but you don’t or won’t. I lost someone that day too Anakin. We _all_ did, but unlike you, we can’t just _numb_ ourselves to the pain. Padmé wouldn’t want this of you, and you’re not the only one suffering.”

Tears well up in your eyes, and you wonder for a moment if he’ll even see them before shaking your head fiercely. It doesn’t matter. You had to get it all out, here and now.

“I lost my best friend! Not just when Padmé died, but when _you_ died too! You’re not the same anymore, and _you’re not the only one who’s grieving_!”

At this point you’re sobbing, hands running through your hair as you pace back and forth. Turning to face him in the darkness, you feel your heart shattering into pieces. “I lost _two_ people that day, and I can’t handle losing anymore. Don’t kill yourself twice. _Please_.”

His lighter flicks open, the flame bringing his face back into focus as you stand there in front of him. He has something in his other hand, but he offers it to you, and when you take it in your hands, you realize it’s his cigarette box.

“Get rid of it for me, will you? And thanks for the grilled cheese.”

The lighter snaps shut, his face gone from view. He stands and stretches, walking off towards his dormitory, leaving you standing in the darkness with the cigarettes in hand.

Nothing felt right anymore, even when you were with Anakin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader hasn't spoken to Anakin in a while, and when he finally shows up, it's at the worst timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is short (compared to the previous one) mainly because I wanted the next chapter to really delve into the actual smutty stuff that's going on. Hope you all like this, even if it's short and sweet!

Your back hits the bed, a gasp leaving you as your fingers dig into the shoulders of a man whom you had no intention of learning the name of. He’s quenching a fire that is burning under your skin; nothing more, nothing less. As his teeth drag over your throat, you close your eyes, imagining another man’s mouth moving over your body.

With every touch of skin on skin, your head is filled with images of Anakin doing the same thing. Your climax is a dull sort of wave, washing over you briefly before going away just as quickly. The man follows, but seems far more invested in his orgasm, and you play along before pushing him off you. Once he’s left, you shower, rubbing aggressively at your skin and wishing away the disgust that coats your body.

On your way back to your bedroom, there’s a knock at the door of your suite, making your eyebrow raise. No one was supposed to be coming over from what you knew, and if there were guests, they chose a very poor time to be showing up. A groan leaves your mouth as you open the door, clutching your towel tighter around your body. The person in front of you doesn’t speak at first, and your eyes raise to meet Anakin’s green ones.

“What are you doing here?”

Anakin doesn’t say anything, stepping past you and taking a seat on the desk in your bedroom. Rolling your eyes, you step in after him and shut the door, searching for some underwear as he stares at you. Holding up the pair you were going to slip on, you turn to raise a brow at him.

When he doesn’t react, you growl, teeth grinding together. “Are you going to _speak_ or just sit there staring at me as I dry? Because I’ve got to get dressed before I start getting cold, and I’m not doing it in front of you.”

There was no real reason for your hostility towards Anakin, but it still didn’t stop the temper from flaring inside you. He had chosen to ignore you for a better part of the month, and the one time that he finally didn’t, he wasn’t even _talking_ to you. Just staring as if he had never seen a naked body before. So maybe there was a reason for you hostility towards him. You snap your fingers in front of him, causing Anakin to blink and look back at your face.

He suddenly brandishes his arm, rolling up the sleeve of his shirt to show you the inside of his elbow. Your eyes catch on a patch stuck to his skin, and you bite down on your lip.

“I’ve started taking nicotine patches. I’ve kept away from alcohol, and I’m talking to Obi-Wan again. He suggested – no, _told_ – me that I needed to come and tell you all this. So here I am, though it seems I’ve walked in on you at a rather bad time. Or a good one, if I can speak honestly,” Anakin says.

A flush rises on your skin, and you push his face away with a huff. Of course he would try to make you think he was being smooth! Dumb ass. Chewing on your bottom lip, you think back on just a few minutes ago, and how you had been in that bed with a man who reminded you of Anakin. How all you’d thought about was him taking you like he cared, which had been the only way to get you off.

There’s a rustling sound, and then a throat clears, making your head turn back to look at Anakin, who’s facial features have grown dark. He’s holding up the discarded condom wrapper, which must have fallen somewhere near the trash – but not in it. You lick your lips, mouth drying up as you try to think of a way to get yourself out of this situation.

This was absolutely, _positively_ , a terrible place to be in at this time with Anakin. You’d had a hook-up with a guy who looked like him, you felt dirty from that as it was, and now you were standing in front of the man of your fantasies in only a towel. Finding your words, you sputter out something about needing to get dressed again before he’s got you pinned against the door of your bedroom.

“You slept with someone recently, haven’t you?” Anakin’s voice is low, predatory in a way that makes heat pool low in your stomach.

While your brain screams to lie, you merely nod. “About thirty minutes ago. I was…showering off the feeling when you showed up.”

His green eyes grow even darker, if that’s possible, the condom wrapper long forgotten in exchange for the truth that fell from your lips. There’s no space between the two of you at this point, your chests rising and falling in tandem. You’re pressed so firmly together that, if Anakin were to move, your towel would give way to everything that lay beneath it. Your brain processes his lips against yours moments after it’s happened, teeth clashing on impact.

The towel drops as Anakin pulls it off you, his hands roaming over the newly exposed skin like he’s never touched another woman. His fingers slide down your body, and when he just barely brushes against your clit, you keen into his touch. This could _not_ be happening right now. Not for real at least.

Anakin’s teeth scrape against your skin, and he chuckles. “Do you want me to go further?”

Lost in the feeling of his mouth on your neck, you can only nod, eyes closing as you grip his hair. If he stopped now, you were sure to combust from the need that raced through your veins.

He smirks, nipping at your ear as he whispers he thought so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader has been on the verge of a breakdown for a week now. After everything that's happened between Anakin and themselves, can talking it out really fix everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I stated that this next chapter would be smutty, but I thought really hard about it and felt that was rushing things far too fast. There are so many unanswered questions and difficult things to work through and I couldn't write it. Instead, here's some more angst and pain until the next chapter is up!

You were starting to hate yourself for daydreaming things like that. Yes, you had sex with some random college guy who looked similar to Anakin. _Yes_ , you’d taken a shower to get the disgusting feeling of not only _using_ someone for sex, but also for thinking of someone else during it. **_Yes_** , Anakin had shown up at your suite after said shower, but none of the things you thought would happen had. There’d been another fight, where Anakin accused you of things that you had never done.

Obi-Wan had been talking to him apparently, but whatever he’d been attempting to tell Anakin had come off wrong, and now you found yourself completely alone in terms of friends. Obi wasn’t ignoring you, but with Anakin hovering around him all the time – especially now that he had gotten off of smoking and turned to nicotine patches – it was difficult for him to try and speak with you. Anakin didn’t want to even _see_ you, and the amount of friends you wanted to hang around slowly dwindled.

Things were going downhill, and it suddenly felt like you were swimming in a sea full of sharks that you couldn’t catch sight of.

* * *

 

“Y/N, are you even listening to what’s going to be on the exam?”

Your head shoots up from its place on your crossed arms, looking around wildly at the mass of faces that stare back at you. Meeting your professor’s face, you feel heat rush to your cheeks as you nod and begin to take down the notes from the board. Getting back to what he was saying, Professor Jinn – better known to his students as Qui-Gon – continues on about how important the exam will be, as it will be covering a vast majority of the things you had all learned from the beginning of the semester to now.

As he dismisses the class, you try to pack up as much as you can before he catches onto you. Qui-Gon was a close friend of Obi-Wan’s, and you had no doubt in your mind that he knew of the circumstances currently involving all three of you. Scrambling to get out of the class as quickly as you can, you suddenly slam right into your professor, stumbling back and dropping everything onto the floor.

Tears spring to your eyes, but don’t fall, sticking there and stinging like they had all week. Your fingers and hands shake as you reach for all your things, a slightly calloused and worn hand picking up some of the items for you. That’s the breaking point, as you begin violently sobbing, arms wrapping around yourself as you come apart at the seams. Everything had felt alright until now, even when you were at your lowest.

Qui-Gon doesn’t seem to care much for the fact that rules deny him the right to care for a student without their direct consent as he wraps his arms tightly around you. He presses your face into his shoulder, shushing you as you grip his jacket lapels and let all the emotions fall free. It’s been a terrible week, which only seemed to have grown worse and worse with each passing day that you were distanced from everyone you loved and cared for.

“I have heard from Obi-Wan that there seems to be a disturbance in your friend circle. Is there anything I can help you with?” Qui-Gon whispers, hand rubbing circles over your back.

Exhaling shakily, you manage to get out a very soft ‘yes’, pulling back to wipe at your eyes. There are dark bags underneath your usually bright eyes, showing the lack of sleep you had gotten since your fight with Anakin. It had never hurt so much in your entire life to be yelled at and neglected by someone you cared for so much. It didn’t make sense to you. He was just a friend; one who had gone so far as to blame you for things you couldn’t have controlled. Why did it hurt this much?

Once you’ve calmed enough, Qui-Gon hands you some tissues and then pulls a chair up in front of the desk he had been teaching behind. “Tell me what’s been going on. I have gotten very little out of Kenobi and while I have learned a lot, there is still your side to hear.”

With a little nod, you blow your nose and wipe the excess tears away. Better to tell someone who could be a neutral third-party than to try and talk to Obi, or any of your other friends who knew Anakin.

“Anakin and I got in a fight. He…showed up at my dorm room one day, after I had just been… _with_ someone. He had been talking to Obi-Wan about something, but it came across wrong, and he accused me of things I didn’t know or do. It was harsh, and I honestly was so angry that I said things I shouldn’t have that hurt him just as much as myself. I’ve been in hell all week, and I don’t understand how I can lose all my friends in such a short period of time, yet still feel in so much pain when I think of Anakin. It feels like…”

Trailing off, you pull at the tissues crumpled in your hands, trying to figure out what you were thinking. When you can’t find the thought, you merely look at Qui-Gon in confusion and terror, making him smile sadly. Qui-Gon looks out at the sunny day before clearing his throat to speak.

“It feels like you’ve lost someone you love.”

You merely nod in response, looking back at your lap rather than his face.

“I have a feeling that, much like Mr. Skywalker, you are withholding the true feelings you have. Most likely due to your close friendship with Padmé, yes?” he questions.

All you can do is nod in agreement, eyes watering again as you shake your head. “She was my best friend, and Anakin _loved_ her. It would be wrong to ever act on these… _feelings_ I have for him. It would only drive him further away. He might think I always had it out for him and Padmé. With her finally being gone…he might think it’s my way of getting to him. I just…I can’t imagine it won’t ruin everything.” You scoff and blow your nose, laughing wryly, “Though it seems everything has already been ruined anyway.”

The touch of a hand on yours makes you look up, seeing Qui-Gon with a kind smile on his face. Searching your eyes for a moment, he nods and seems to come to a conclusion that only he knows. He stands, long gray hair trailing behind him before he pulls it all up into a bun. Tying it off, he turns back to you as he grabs his things.

“It seems both yourself and Mr. Skywalker have many things you need to speak about. I will talk with Obi-Wan, see if we can help the two of you find a middle ground to talk with each other. Dinner on Friday, perhaps at that new Italian restaurant just on the outskirts of town?”

Before you can respond, he nods. “Yes, that sounds good. Be ready on Friday at 6. Wear something nice, and Obi-Wan will be there to pick you up.”

He walks out of the room after that, leaving you staring after his form. Did you professor just set you up on a date?

* * *

 

Fixing yourself up, you exhale and then look to your roommate. She’s tapping away at her phone, but you still feel the need to wait patiently for her to notice you. Her head raises, and then her eyes widen at the same time her mouth drops open.

“Y/N, you look _super_ hot. Who’s the date for tonight? I’ve heard rumors it’s an exchange student,” Ahsoka states, wiggling her eyebrows.

Rolling your eyes, you shove her head playfully before biting on your bottom lip. “It’s not, and I’m not telling you who it is. It’s not even really a date, per say, it’s…like…a makeup? Or something like that. You’re sure I look alright though?”

Ahsoka sighs and nods, standing to poke your side. “You look amazing, and whoever this person is that you’re going on a ‘not date’ with, is going to be really lucky if you spend the night at theirs. Should I be prepared for that? Do I need to keep my phone on? Do you need some condoms?”

The sincerity in which she makes these statements has you laughing as you shake your head. “No Soka, I’m fine. I highly doubt that anything like that will be happening tonight.”

A knock at the door has you grabbing your things and running to open it, smiling at Obi-Wan, who grins and looks you over.

“You look amazing Y/N. I’m actually going to be at the restaurant with a few friends of my own, so we’ll be there if anything happens between Anakin and yourself, alright?”

Obi-Wan says all this as you leave your dorm, heading outside to his car, which is still far too nice for a guy who’s only a TA and a college student. How he manages to afford certain luxuries is beyond you, but there are some conspiracies flying around. None that you would take seriously of course.

You nod, worry eating away at your insides once he pulls up to the restaurant. You can see Anakin just barely through the window in the front of the eatery, and you suddenly feel a wave of nausea roll over you. “I can’t do this Obi. It’s not….it’s not….I can’t. I can’t go in there and try to fix this.”

“Yes, you can. I’ll be there with you even though I won’t be _right there_. If it’s any consolation, Anakin has been just as much of a mess. He hasn’t been sleeping or eating properly, and this is as important to him as it is to you. Your feelings are driving you two apart, and I can’t bear to see it anymore.”

With that, he steps out of the car, moving to the passenger side and opening the door for you. “Come on then, he’s waiting.”

Taking Obi’s outstretched hand, you swallow past the lump in your throat and follow him inside, heart racing inside your chest. This was either going to go well, or it wasn’t, and something in your gut made you think it wasn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin and the reader resolve some things, and finally settle their feelings. It takes a lot to break something and make it whole again, but they've done it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey cubs! This is going to be the last instillation for Dull the Ache. Boo, I know. No worries though! I've got some more things cooking for Modern Anakin, and I plan on writing it over spring break! Enjoy this last piece and oh wow, it actually turned kinda sexy?

Obi-Wan gives you a thumbs up as he moves over to his table of friends, leaving you to walk over to Anakin. Alone. Taking a deep breath, you straighten yourself and walk over, praying that he can’t see how badly you’re shaking. The scrape of the chair being pulled out is what makes Anakin’s head raise, and he stares at you for a moment before scowling slightly, allowing his head to turn and look back out the window.

The sting is worse than you thought, and it must be what sets you off, because Anakin visibly lurches when you slam your bag down on the table.

“Okay, you know what? Fuck this. Fuck this, and these feelings, and especially _you_ , Anakin Skywalker. I’ve tried my hardest to keep these feelings I have for you at bay, and now you’re acting like a goddamn child over something that I couldn’t change! I’m _sorry_ that I didn’t tell you about Padmé, and I’m sorry you had to find out through Obi-Wan. I’m sorry that I didn’t know how to handle you after your mother and lover died, but like I said almost a month ago, I was going through shit too.

“If you haven’t noticed, we _all_ are going through some shit. I don’t _want_ to harbor feelings for my dearest friend’s ex-lover, but it’s happening. I don’t want to draw lines between who Obi-Wan can hang out with and who he can’t. I’m tired of trying to stick away from you. I’m tired of feeling so alone and forgotten. Ever since you came to my dorm and started throwing accusations, I’ve lost _all_ my friends!”

Tears are welling in your eyes, and you shake your head, refusing to let them fall. Obi-Wan and his friends have all turned to look at the situation, but you shake your head harder when he mouths if you need him to intervene. Exhaling loudly, you don’t let Anakin get a word in as you push on. There’s a lot of built up rage that needs to be let out, and you can’t stop it now.

“When you turned to smoking and drinking, I was torn apart. Not because I was so desperately in love with you that I hated seeing you going through that, but because I knew your mother and Padmé wouldn’t want that. This entire time I’ve been trying to help you get over your nasty habits and fit back into school life and give even an _ounce_ of care to your education is because of _them_. There has never been an ulterior motive. I’ve never gone out of my way to do these things because I want my affections returned. What I want is my _friend back_.”

Grabbing your bag, you stand up, not even noticing how big of a scene you’d been causing. “I love you, both as a friend and as something more, but I’m not going to let myself get walked on like a damn doormat. I’m _sorry_ that I wasn’t a better friend, but I can’t keep letting myself suffer over someone who doesn’t even give two shits about me in return.”

With that, you wave Obi-Wan off, storming out of the restaurant and heading back home. You knew it was going to go sour, but you felt lighter after getting all of that off your chest. Even if it was pulling your heart to pieces.

* * *

 

In your dorm, the lights are all off, and you know that everyone is gone; most likely they went home for Spring Break, which is fine by you, because you need to be alone. Ironic, isn’t it? You just complained to Anakin about being so along, yet that’s all you wanted right now. Setting your bag down on your bed, you kick off your shoes and go to wipe off your makeup.

After a shower and changing into some comfortable pajamas, you pull up Netflix; finding some of the sappiest movies you can, you begin binge watching them. You’d ordered some pizza, and there was ice cream in the fridge, so you would have plenty to eat during this time of pain.

Midway through _Pride and Prejudice_ , the delivery guy calls, and you grab your pizza before heading back up to your dorm. For the next three or more hours, you actively make your way through an entire pizza and half a carton of ice cream before someone knocks on the door to the dorm. With a little groan, you stand and stretch, pausing the movie and wandering over, feeling like shit.

“Who is it?”

No response comes, so you open it anyway; if it was a murderer, then you’d be one of the luckiest people alive. Instead, it’s Anakin, and you know this isn’t your dream, because he’s breathing heavily, like he’d been running, and his hair was a disheveled mess. He steps inside your dorm once you move aside, looking around and seeing the set up you had in the common area of the dorm suite.

Clearing his throat, his eyes roam back to your face, his own green ones slightly red rimmed. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out, and instead, he’s cupping your face and kissing you briefly. It’s over as soon as you register what’s happened, and he’s stepping back, stumbling over apologies.

“I…I came to talk to you. I’m such a fucking idiot, and I drove one of the most important people away from me because I was too scared of what I was feeling. Padmé told me before she died that she wanted me to go out and find someone else, but I shut that out, because I was terrified that it would be wrong. How could I love someone as much as her and just _move on_? It didn’t make sense, and part of it still doesn’t, but I can’t keep pretending around you and everyone else.”

His tongue pokes out to wet his dry lips, and then he’s inhaling, words spilling out faster than you can fully comprehend. “I love you, and I have ever since that night you talked me out of smoking. The story you told me hit a nerve inside me, and I knew what you were trying to get across, but I still fought it off. I still shoved away everything you were giving me because I felt so _wrong_. I felt like it couldn’t be possible to fall in love so fast or so perfectly with someone like that again. Then I started having trouble sleeping and eating, and Obi-Wan was trying to get me to just talk to you, but I wouldn’t because all I kept thinking was that I had no right.

“I just kept pushing it away, thinking that maybe, if I just bottled up my feelings, they’d die out. Or I’d die out, whichever came first. I was so wrapped up in that that I didn’t even think about how you would feel, so when you started going off on me at the restaurant, I was…I was shocked. I mean, you were trying so hard all this time to do what was right by Padmé, when all she ever asked was that I did right by her by falling in love…with you.”

The two of you stare at each other for a long moment before he’s stepping closer again, fingers shaking as he cups your cheeks. “Can I kiss you? _Properly_ this time? Like you _should_ be kissed?”

Your lips part slightly, a soft inhale filling your lungs as you nod. Anakin takes a brief moment of pause to memorize your face, head dipping as his lips slant across yours. He tastes vaguely of strawberry, which makes you wonder if he’d been drinking something fruity. Maybe a Shirley Temple. The thought makes you giggle, causing Anakin to pull back, eyebrows knit together.

“Sorry, I just…you taste like strawberries, and I was thinking that maybe you had been drinking a Shirley Temple, which made me laugh because the image of you drinking that is-“

He cuts off your chatter with another kiss, one hand sliding to the back of your neck as the other moves up to grab a hold of some of your hair. A groan rumbles through his chest, where your hands are gripping at his button down, and everything feels so _right_ that it couldn’t possibly be wrong. Just as suddenly as the kiss had been sweet and innocent, it turns heated, Anakin letting the hand on the back of your neck slide down to your ass, pulling you closer to him.

With a startled gasp, you feel him smirk into the kiss, his tongue darting out and tasting every inch of the inside of your mouth. He really _does_ taste like strawberries, drawing a small moan from you at the sensations and taste of something foreign in your mouth. You pull apart for air, but it’s quickly over as you can’t keep your lips off each other, and Anakin is stumbling over his feet as you lead him back into your bedroom.

He kicks the door closed as he wraps his arms around you, lips aggressively seeking purchase on your skin as he pushes you against said door. Your head tilts back, extending your neck to him as he sucks and bites marks onto your flesh, making heat pool low in your stomach. There’s fumbling of hands on buttons as you tug at his shirt, and then it’s off and you drag your fingers over his chest, noticing scars from all those times he got banged up on the job.

He shivers at the feeling of your fingers touching his skin, and you bite on your bottom lip, looking at him from under your lashes. His lips meet yours feverishly as he slides his hands under your shirt, pulling it over your head and then grabbing your thighs. With strength you hadn’t expected from him, he lifts you until your legs wrap around his waist.

You moan as his mouth latches onto one of your breasts, sucking and biting your nipple, tongue pressing flat against it before he’s dragging his teeth against the sensitive bud. He pulls back and administers the same attention to your other breast while your fingers drag through his hair, tugging roughly and making him growl.

Grinding your hips against his over his jeans, you can feel his breath coming out in pants against your skin. He’s losing control, his mind in the same haze yours is in. Managing to make it back to your bed, he grabs at the sheets, falling onto his back and groaning when your hips knock against his. Your lips meet his, tasting him for a minute before pulling back and placing open mouthed kisses down his chest.

Your teeth drag over his nipples, and he whines, head pushing back into your pillows. You don’t spend much time there, letting your kisses travel down to his jeans, where you palm at his erection until he’s shaking, fists turning white as he grips your sheets tightly. Sparing him, you unbutton his jeans, pulling the zipper down and helping him yank off both his jeans and boxers.

“Oh.”

He smirks at your response to his erection, which you eye before leaning in and kissing under the head. His smirk falls, mouth opening into a wide moan as his eyes close. Taking that a good sign, you continue to place kisses on his dick before circling the head with your tongue, mouth fitting over the top and quickly sliding down to take as much as you can. Anakin’s hips buck up, causing you to gag and push his hips down.

“Fuck! Oh…fucking…Y/N,” he gasps, eyebrows furrowing together.

Your hands wrap around what you can’t fit, and you get a rhythm going as you try to fend off your own need. Anakin must notice how you’re rubbing your thighs together, because he suddenly reaches a hand down, stroking your cheek and pulling you off his dick. He leads you back up to him, his free hand sliding down to push your panties and pajama pants off, lips meeting yours, all tongue and teeth and moaning for more.

His fingers slip past your clit, an involuntary shiver running up your spine, before two digits sink into your cunt. He feels around for a bit, still kissing you as he tries to get that perfect spot. With a cry, you pull away, and he grins, rubbing the pads of his fingers firmly against that same spot. Gasping, you grip at his shoulders as he works you into a frenzy, whining loudly when he retracts his fingers, sucking them clean.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you taste amazing? I don’t think strawberry could beat that,” he states.

You blush darkly, and he grins, turning the two of you over and kissing you. Something between a moan and whimper comes from you, tasting yourself on his tongue as the two of you search for a condom. Hands smack against desks and clothes and bedframes, you own fingers gripping tightly at the headboard as Anakin drags a hand down your side, mouth sucking at the spot right below your ear that drives you wild.

“I-I can’t find…fuckin…can’t find a goddamn condom,” Anakin manages to get out, batting your hands away from his cock as you attempt to return some favors.

Smacking your forehead, you arch into his touch as he sucks a mark just under your breast. “Jar! They’re in - nnngh – in the jar by th-the window!”

His hands drag over your hips, mouth only parting to grab said jar and pull out a random condom. “You’ve got a condom jar? _God_ , I think I just fell in love a little more.”

You start to make some snappy comment when he shushes you with a kiss, having rolled on the condom and teasing your entrance. Breathy gasps leave you, mixed with a moan or two of his name as Anakin pushes in, his forehead pressed to yours as he tries to keep control and go slow.

Two different hands grasp at the headboard as Anakin finally gets himself firmly seated in you, and then they’re gripping tighter because he’s pulled out and is slamming back in. A scream escapes into the room, hips rolling to meet his as Anakin finds the spot that has you seeing stars almost immediately. His breath fans over your face, his lips meeting yours occasionally.

His knuckles are turning white where they hold the headboard and your hip, but that doesn’t deter him as his mouth finds your ear, whispering dirty things and making your body quake with want. After a particularly hard snap of his hips, you’re on that plateau, and your hands grasp at his shoulders, eyes rolling back as you try to find the words you need to say.

“G-ggooon-Ana….ANAKIN!”

Blinding white light explodes behind your eyes as you tumble over the edge, his name the only thing you can get out between gasps for air. The clenching of your cunt around him makes Anakin lose rhythm, and his thrusts begin to slow as he finds his own orgasm getting close. His hand grips the headboard tighter as he finally reaches it, hips snapping and pushing him as deeply into you as he can, prolonging both highs.

He shakes, dropping his hand to the sheets by your head, his own head dropping to your shoulder. His breath feels nice against your heated skin, and Anakin would say the same if he could even breathe right. Both of you are sweaty, clinging to the other for something more, but finding only the emotions that fill you.

He takes a few minutes to soften before pulling out, tying the condom and tossing it. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling your body against his as a kiss is pressed to your temple. The light is filtering in from the window, but it can’t possibly break the moment between the two of you.

A finger tilts your chin up, Anakin’s lips meeting yours in a brief kiss before he pulls away, eyes closing. “I think I could get used to this. As long as you’re the one I’m waking up to every morning.”

You smile in return, snuggling into his chest and nodding. “Same. Though I could always go for cinnamon rolls as well.”

The bed shifts, cold embracing you as Anakin slides out of your grasp. You whine, reaching for his warmth and getting a chuckle in response. His lips meet your hands, but are gone just as quickly, and you crack open an eye. “Where are you going?”

“To get cinnamon rolls. Gotta give you the best damn after-sex breakfast I can. I’ll be right back, I swear,” he responds, kissing you again, the taste of strawberry just barely on his tongue.

At the door, he pauses to turn and give you one last once-over, a smile splitting his face. “I love you.”

You return the smile, curling up in the sheets. “Love you too Ani.”


End file.
